My friends and family know that I have dealt for some time with depression and anxiety. I have a hormonal imbalance that contributes to the situation, and I have been on and off medications as needed to help me deal with the physical and emotional effects. Recently, the disappointments and pressures of various situations hit me hard, and a side effect of the medicine made my response progressively worse. With the support of my family, I checked into the hospital and spent a week on the psych ward. I am currently at home on disability, adjusting to new medicines and receiving therapy to improve my ability to cope with this disease called mental illness. I ask for your prayers and your understanding as the Lord, the doctors, and I travel what could be a long path to full recovery.
And yes, this blog is therapy–a way to reach people without being around too many people until I am able to handle it. Your “hits” on the site and your comments–positive or negative–affirm to me that I still have something that people are willing to listen to.
Some day soon I will begin publishing some character sketches–fictionalized snapshots inspired by people I met in the hospital. Watch for them in the “Readers’ Corner” and know that each character is me, and that each situation is real.
To all my fellow sufferers, let me remind you what the prophet Jeremiah said in Lamentations 3:19-21 (freely paraphrased): If God knows and remembers all my struggles (and He does), then even when I am overwhelmed by the knowledge of them and sink to the lowest pit of despair, I know He is still there, and that gives me hope.
This morning for the first time in a very long time, I woke up and I had a sense of His pulse in the hand He holds me in. There is hope.
Even when the ship of my life Has crashed on the rocks of hopelessness, And there is nothing left But the rocks and the waves, He is the rock And He controls the waves.
Thanks for sharing! I’m sure that God will use this… even from your weakness.
Thanks for your investment in so many lives! Many of us excel NOW because you dared to work with us as teenagers. I pray that God will continue to use you in powerful ways in the lives of others just as He has used you in my own.
I am so glad that you can now sense His pulse! I like how you worded that.
We love you!
Derek
Thanks for being so open about such a difficult (and often stigmatized) condition. Your transparency itself can bring comfort to the many (yours truly included) who suffer with this to one degree or another. I hope that pulse will grow stronger for you through the encouragement and support of family, friends, and the interior consolation of the Holy Spirit. I will definitely be praying for you.
Praise God you feel His pulse. To feel a pulse is to know you are still breathing and alive! Thank you for being so open with all of us!
I don’t know you- but I know your pain. I also know your daughter Elizabeth – I am her boss. I know you must be an amazing man because your daughter is an amazing young lady and an amazing nurse! You taught her good values, such as strong work ethic- and compassion which I see everyday I see her or talk to her. Hang in there! You have so much positive in your life!
Mr Bowker we have been aware of your struggles as families share these things. I think you just took a huge step on the recovery road ….Takes a lot of strength to lay mental illness out before you friends…..We have been and will be continuing to follow your progress and sending up prayers that recovery will soon be yours.
Keep blogging!!
Bob, wonderful articulation of a need I believe every heart shares: to feel of value and worth in this busy world. Truly learning to love and connect with folks matters so much. May God use this in amazing ways to help others feel that ‘Soul Value’ that God sees in every one of us–and that all of us struggle to truly feel sometimes.
Your courage to put this out for everyone to see will inspire many to do the same. As we journey through this time in our lives, I pray that together we can help those who are also traveling this road.
We are praying for you Mr. Bowker. Know that God is with you on this journey. He will never leave you.
Bob, you are a very special friend. I am helped and encouraged whenever I read your thoughts. Please keep writing. We appreciate the ministry you have in our lives.
Dad, I am so proud of you! It has been awesome to see you this week, even though it hasn’t been easy for you. I am so thankful for the hope given to you this morning, and for all the blessings God is granting along the way. I love you so much!!!!
Dear Bob – thank you so much for sharing your heart and your struggles. I, too, suffer from anxiety and depression, and your blog encouraged me very much. You wouldn’t know it by the fact that I’m crying right now, but it did. It touched my heart. I have been on meds for about ten years, and recently had a dosage problem which caused a great deal of anxiety, which also accompanied some issues at work (you know, Murphy’s law-lol). Praise God he got me through that and also helped me to bring a friend at work into a relationship with Jesus. These issues we suffer are hard to others who don’t share them to understand, and sometimes that makes us feel worse about ourselves than we already do. Praise God that he is the Great Counselor, the Comforter and the Healer. I will continue to pray for you and Darlene, and you are both in my heart. With much love, Dina
Oh, Mr. Bowker! Thank you for sharing and thank for your opening up to all of us. There are so many of us who struggle with things like this and close ourselves off, not allowing anyone in to see what we are dealing with. This blog will minister to others (many who are still hiding from their issues) even while it helps you heal. Cling to that hand that holds you!
Bob, I’m sure yor know that our family struggles with mental illness as well. It is truly heartbreaking that this illness seems to strike some of Gods most creative and talented of His creation. I don’t claim to understand that at all, I do know God’s ways are higher than ours and that His plans for us are for a hope and a future. I agree with Wayne’s comments that you have poured yourself into lots of lives, that surely is proof of God’s hand in your life. I too would like to thank too for the investment you made in Elizabeth’s life, we are so happy that she is the perfect help-mate for ou son. Again, thanks in no small part to your influence in her life.
We will continue to pray for your continued journey with God and his plan for you.
I am so sorry to hear of the difficult time you are going through, and appreciate your openness in sharing so that others may encourage and pray for you. we serve an awesome God who is in control at all times. keep your eyes on Jesus, He has His eyes on you! We will have you and your family and loved ones foremost in our prayers.
Thank you for your honesty! I have been enjoying your writing and inspired by it. I’m glad you have found writing to be helpful to you in your recovery. I’m praying for you.
Just to let you know that you’re not alone.. praying for you dear friend.
This was very timely and helpful. Please keep writing.
Mr. Bowker, thanks for your honesty. I have always deeply respected you, and I do even more after seeing this post. Thank you for allowing us to bear your burden… and thanks for leading by example to show others that they don’t have to endure this alone… on a spiritual level OR a human level. I will be praying for you!
Wayne’s comment was dead on. Your influence is a major reason why I’m a teacher today. Thank you.
Mr. Bowker,
Thank you for having the courage to embrace such a difficult issue in your life. I, too, have long battled with the same thing. It is hard for most to understand, and harder for some to even acknowledge that it is possible to have this problem and still be a Christian in good standing with the Lord. I know that your faith is strong, and that you have a wonderful network to draw from. My prayers are added to those of others who care about you. I will also be praying for your lovely wife. I am looking forward to your other sketches and pray that your journey will be a help and blessing for others like me who travel the same pathway. God is good, may His mighty hand guide you and comfort you.
Isaiah 40: 30-31
King James Version (KJV)
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/gods-promises/content/topic/2107
We will be praying for you and your family….
Mental illness is one of the toughest illnesses out there as it is not visible (like a broken arm) yet debilitating at times none the less…we all have our own journey….we pray your twists and turns are few and that the bumps in the road are minor…..when I am troubled I remind myself that even Jesus Christ, the son of God himself, suffered so who are we that we would never suffer….learn from ever bump in the road and ALWAYS remember that you are NEVER alone and that He carries you ALWAYS!!!!! Remember that you are loved:-)
Bob, we are praying for you, Darlene and your family. I think this blog is a great idea. Glad to hear you can see God working even at this difficult time.
You have always been a good friend and mentor to Lee and me. It is good to read your blogs, keep them coming and our prayers and concerns are for you and with you. We count it a privilege to call you our friend. (We are still contemplating a Wii)….:D
Bob – Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ever since I have had the privilege to work with you I have respected you and your walk with the Lord and your ability to speak and teach. I respect you even more now. For the past sixteen years I have suffered with depression and anxiety. For sixteen years I have been struggling with my standing before the Lord in light of my depression You see, when I was first diagnosed, I had several well meaning Christian friends that told me if I was in a right relationship with the Lord, I wouldn’t be going through the awful depression that I was. Some even said that if I prayed and read the Psalms I wouldn’t need to be on the medications that I am on. Along with Dina the tears flow freely as I write this. Please know of my continued prayers for you and Darlene. I love and respect you both. I look forward to reading your character sketches. You are a brave man…one more reason you have earned my respect.
Mr. Bowker,
I read your post and have been and continue to pray for you and your family. Your openness of the issue and surrender to the Lord are of great encouragement. It takes a “big” person (no pun intended) to handle such a situation and although I cannot fully relate, I can certainly sympathize with you and can continue to pray for healing. I cannot but help think about the apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthian Church. When we are weak, HE is strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
What an amazing act of courage. Thank u!!!! Mental illness has such a negative stigma and for some ODD reason many Christians seem to be more judgmental of it than anyone else. This was so powerful and well said! it helped me so much. I struggle w/ PTSD, agoraphobia, panic disorder & social anxiety, but most don’t even know it bc I’m afraid to be judged or shunned, but this really helped me with not being ashamed of who I am. Art n writing are the best therapy 🙂
This will surely help so many.
God truly makes beauty from ashes.